shortcrust pastry

Like Swiss army knives and mobile phones, shortcrust pastry can be used for loads of different things.
You can use this recipe for every kind of pie or tart you can imagine, from jam tarts and mince pies to pork pies and apple cake.
The wains love cutting out shapes, dropping on a blob of jam and baking them.

250g pack of butter.
400g plain flour
100ml cold water

My mother-in-law uses twice as much flour (by weight) as butter, but I find it works better if I use a bit less.

Rub the butter into the flour until it’s all crumbly. If you want to top a rhubarb crumble or something, this is the stuff to use.
If you’re going the whole hog and making the pastry, add your 100ml of water, the colder the better, and use it to bind the crumbs into a solid lump.
Put it in a sandwich bag or cling film and when you smooth it out it should look sort of marbly.
Leave it for half an hour to rest before rolling and cutting it.

Fill it and bake it. How long you bake it for depends on what’s in it, but about 200ºC for 20 mins should do it.

You can freeze it if you don’t use it all.
If you find a good use for shortcrust pastry, add a comment.

Bread

Tonight on Dave:
6pm Dragons' Den
7pm Ray Mears - Extreme Survival
8pm Top Gear
9pm QI

and during the breaks, we're going to make a loaf of bread.

In the break before Dragons' Den, gather up the following ingredients and stick them in a big bowl.
450g strong white flour
300ml warm water
1 teaspoon of yeast,
1 teaspoon of salt,

Mix the ingredients up until they stick together and cover them with a tea towel (probably best if it's clean)
also, get a bottle of oil out. We'll need it later.

Settle down and watch the first part of Dragons' Den.

During every commercial break in the Dragons' Den, pour oil over your hands, knead the dough during one ad, and then put it back in the bowl and cover it up.

At the end of Dragons' Den/Start of Ray Mears, just lie there and watch TV. You can lie through the first ad break too, though you might want to get up and get a drink from the fridge.

During the second break in Ray Mears, roll up your dough into a tight ciabatta-sized roll and set it on a floured tray, covered with your tea towel.

When Top Gear is starting, turn on your oven to get it pre heated. Turn it on as hot as it'll go - usually about 220°C .

During the first commercial break in Top Gear, cut a slash in the top of your loaf and put it in the hot oven.

Check it during every break in Top Gear to make sure it doesn't get burnt, but if all goes well it'll be ready before QI starts at 9pm.

Short Bread

I've seen all sorts of strange recipes for shortbread. Some of them get quite complicated with ingredients that'd never have been traditionally available in Scotland, where shortbread developed - probably as a way to use up leftover bread dough.

This recipe's simple:

9oz Flour
6oz Butter
3oz Sugar

throw them in a big bowl and knead them until they form a dough, then knead them some more. You can't over-knead shortbread, and kneading relieves stress, so when you think you've kneaded enough, knead a bit more. You'll feel better for it.

Turn on the oven low. Making shortbread is more like drying than baking, so 150ºC is hot enough.

Knead some more while the oven gets up to temperature.

Flatten out the dough on a baking tray and sprinkle sugar on top. you might want to poke dents in it with a fork to stop it rising.

There're three traditional shapes for shortbread:
1. Rounds - cut individual biscuits with a pastry cutter or jam jar lid.
2. Petticoat Tails - one big circle shape, scored so it'll break into triangles.
3. Fingers - a big rectangle scored into long 'fingers'

Put the shortbread in the oven and leave it for 20 minutes or half an hour. It won't change colour much and when you take it out it'll still be soft, but don't panic. It will cool down and you can wrap it in tartan ribbon or, better yet, eat it.

Potato Bread

A "Full English Breakfast" is quite similar to what we call a "Fry" I've heard it called an "Ulster Fry" but I suppose since I live in Ulster there's no need to waste breath on unnecessary additional details.

One thing the Full English lacks is Potato Bread or Fadge. I used to think fadge was something you bought in the shop. Now I know it's something you do with leftover potatoes.

Oh, in case you wonder, "farls" are a circle shape marked with a cross so the circle can be easily broken into four quarters.

Left over potatoes, mashed with butter
Enough flour
I'm not going to give you amounts because I don't know how much potato you didn't eat.

put the pan on. It needs to be hot.
Dump your potatoes onto the bench.
Add the flour, just a bit at a time,
Keep kneading and adding more flour until you get soft stretchy dough.

Shape the dough into discs about as thick as your fingers. Lubricate the pan with flour - not oil - and dry fry the discs on one side. Score the top into farls and flip it over to cook the other side.

To be honest we hardly ever eat these in a fry. They're good while they're hot with butter melted on them.

Big Flat Pancakes

The kids demand these more often that anything else and I never make enough.


8 oz flour
4 eggs
2 pinches of salt
1 pint of milk.

I know 2 pinches of salt is silly, but it makes a number sequence that helps me remember the recipe... 8-4-2-1
I did accidentally put in 8 eggs and 4 oz flour one time and it really didn't work.

First, put the pan on the ring. These work best if it's a decent quality non-stick pan (When I say decent, mine was a tenner from Tesco), and it has to be really really hot. While you're at it, turn on the oven a bit, just to keep them warm once you've made them.

Put everything into a big bowl and whisk it until it's smooth, then pour out enough to just cover the base of the pan. Don't use oil. When the top is dry, the bottom's usually cooked and will just lift off the pan with a bit of help from a spatula.

Flip it over and cook the other side for a couple of minutes.

Slide the finished crepe into the oven and start your next one.

For fillings, use your imagination. Here's some that we use - but if there's any fillings you like using, add a comment.

Galettes:
ham and cheese
Bacon and Brie
chicken, Mayonnaise and Sweet Chilli sauce
salad
roasted vegetables

Crepes:
Chocolate Spread and Banana
strawberries and cream
honey
maple syrup
golden syrup
jam & cream
peanut butter

Introduction

I don't cook that often. It's not that I don't enjoy it, I just don't get in from work until after 6pm, and my wife, who works from home, usually has my dinner on the table by the time I get in. Now isn't that every man's dream?

At weekends or on days off I do sometimes feed the family - the arcade chip shop's number is 028 9446 5249 and the China Court is 028 9442 8513.

When I do actually get my hands dirty it's more often than not to do something with the kids or because I've taken a notion for something that's not already in the house.

I'm not a cook, and I don't like recipes that say things like "pour in 127.3ml of water and stir for 18 seconds" so amounts in here are approximate and the dough will not come to life and eat you if you overshoot a bit.

One more thing, I was born in the mid seventies in Northern Ireland so everything I learned at school was metric, while everything I learned outside school is imperial, so don't be suprised if the ingredients have a mixture of both. Part of the reason is that I choose amounts that I can remember without looking them up every time.

What makes these recipes stand out from the millions of cookbooks that have already been published? Only one thing; they're mine.